because you’re not here. and I can’t help but think how great it would be to have you here.
your jokes, your laugh, your voice, your smile.
it’s family vacations when I miss you most.
because I know you would’ve gone in the ocean with me for hours. or stayed up to watch 300. because I know you would have risked missing the plane to lay by the pool.
because I know you would understand why I took 5000 family pictures. because you’re the reason.
the last picture of us was exactly 8 days before you died.
and it’s when I miss you most at dinner.
that extra chair has never felt so empty.
and I see the pain in moms eyes and I know it must be so hard for them.
because we know we can never ever be whole again.
never be normal again.
and it’s when I’m driving in the car when I miss you most.
because I remember how you used to drive me around. how on your 18th birthday we drove to the gas station and listened to Chris brown on repeat. how after graduation you took me to our “special place” and I always visit there when I go back home. because you and I spent the day before you died in a car and I will never forget that. how you made me promise to always get rolo mcflurrys at McDonald’s and I did.
until they cancelled them.
and how you made South Park impersonations for hours in the car and I laughed at every single one.
and it’s when I’m at the pool when I miss you most.
because I don’t know what happened that night. but every time I step in all I can think about is if you suffered. and why you had to go. and why there is no justice.
and it’s every waking moment of every single day when I miss you most.
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